21 April 2014
I AM ME, I AM MATT
Pictured here is your typical DM in a typical game setting. Note the ceremonial robe he adorns himself with, and notice the intense concentration in the last panel. DMing is hard and I often am drenched in sweat after a typical session. They last anywhere between five and ten hours and are absolutely grueling. Those pictures you see of sweaty "neckbeards" are lies, as they do not actually play. No, they pretend to play for internet cool points. No man of girth can play Dungeons and Dragons; their heart cannot handle the strain of excitement.
I've been working out to get in shape to DM again. My body is still flabby but soon I'll be the model of strength and power that will allow me to perform my dungeonmastery to its highest level.
All of that was the unvarnished truth. I promise.